


I Want To Buy You Everything (Except Cologne) (Cause It's Poison)

by samalander



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: 1930s-themed sex issues, Blow Job, Frottage, M/M, PWP, Polyamory, Tony Stark's Brain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-16
Updated: 2012-06-16
Packaged: 2017-11-07 21:01:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/435413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samalander/pseuds/samalander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pepper suggests that Tony try to bed Steve. He meets with some levels of success. Basically PWP.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want To Buy You Everything (Except Cologne) (Cause It's Poison)

**Author's Note:**

> Somehow Inspired by Train's "If It's Love", but don't ask me exactly how.
> 
> Thanks to Picksy and Emmy who are lovely little enablers.

Tony passed Bruce in the hall as he stumbled his way to bed; Bruce was sipping from a mug of coffee and reading the paper as he walked, apparently physically incapable of ever doing one thing at a time. Tony supposed that meant it was morning, maybe seven am, maybe eight? The time that a normal person would be walking down to his lab, sipping coffee and making faces at whatever the Times had to say about the Avengers this week.

It was the way of things, in Tony's life. He felt like he was always at odds with something; people, time, gravity - the world couldn't keep up with Tony Stark, not the way Tony Stark lived. (Or maybe it was that Tony couldn't keep up with the world, but that wasn't exactly a thought he gave any credence to - he was Tony Effing Stark.)

He supposed that had a lot to do with why his bed was empty again, a note from Pepper on the pillow that just said "Malibu."

He wasn't sure how many days it had been there, or when she had left. He cared about Pepper, but there were things to be done and new thrusters to be calibrated and he was making a new arrowhead for Clint that would, in theory, be able to transmit biological samples back to a mainframe and he just hadn't had _time_ to be in bed recently. Plus, the part about being Tony Stark.

They had turned their relationship over and over together, Pepper and Tony, and in the end they decided that, while Tony's prowess was completely unquestioned in the realm of orgasm, and he had a signed affidavit to attest to that, he was a bit lacking in the "feelings that normal human beings have" field, and she had her own affidavit to hold up that part of the conversation. They were a very legal couple, everything except rings.

But he couldn't give her that, the mushy emotional stuff that she wanted and needed, and so there was a clause in their relationship that said they were allowed outside contractors for any unfilled needs. Which was why he was unsurprised to find, on the back of the "Malibu" note, a list of suggested partners he could take in her absence.

He threw a few names off without hesitation. Nick Fury was never going to join Tony in anything other than a spirited argument, which was just fine because Tony liked fun people, not uptight lying liars who spied. Which, he supposed, also eliminated Natasha. Not that she was ever a viable option, not really. She had made it abundantly clear what she would like him to do with his dick, and most of it seemed to involve blades and blood and while that might turn her on, Tony was way more into the pleasure part of sex, rather than pain, so he would keep his dangly bits out of the food processor, thank you Agent Romanoff.

The other Avengers all made cameos on Pepper's list, but the name at the top, underlined twice, circled, and with an arrow pointing to it that said "VIDEO" was the name of one Captain America, Steven Rogers the Fourth (or the only, perhaps, but Tony thought that a name like Steve Rogers was just so whitebread, he liked to throw in extra middle names like Spencer and Owen and Edwin, just to make sure that Steve knew he had a ridiculously generic name. Pepper called it pulling Steve's pigtails, and Steve made faces like he smelled Clint's cooking, and that was never a good sign.)

But Tony couldn't pretend the idea didn't interest him - he grew up with the stories of Captain Freaking America and his time in the War, the son Howard Stark had wanted and not the one he got to keep. It wasn't beyond the realm of possibility that Tony's attraction had more to do with sticking it to his old man and less to do with sticking it in Cap, but that was okay, really, he would just not dwell on it and it would go away.

Except there was the one complication: Steve Rogers thought Tony Stark was a complete idiot and probably a communist or a Nazi or whatever they hated back in the 30s, and that seemed to make it unlikely that they would ever have happy bedroom playtime.

Tony kicked his shoes off and fell backwards onto his bed, Pepper's list still in his hand. To be truthful, Steve was the only name on there that gave him any feelings beyond _hm, interesting_. He snaked a hand down to his belt and undid it, slipped into his pants and gave his dick a fond pull (old friends, Tony and his dick, it was only right to greet it properly, like a handshake with his genitals) before letting the exhaustion take him, eyes drifting closed to have a thousand and one dreams of Star Spangled Sex.

* * *

Tony was a busy man, and as such he didn't always see the people he lived with every day. He was usually vaguely aware that they existed, if only because occasionally one or the other would wander down to tell him something like "Stark, if your A.I. doesn't stop ordering me bras, I'm going to take your head off" and really, why was Clint so touchy about underwear? Everyone needed support here and there, nothing to be ashamed of, and no reason to tell Jarvis to shove it us his ass. Jarvis didn't even have an ass, though Tony supposed he could make one if he needed to.

Regardless, Pepper came back before Tony had the chance to seduce his patriotic compatriot, and she brought stories about a surfer she met walking on the beach and pictures and a diagram, so Tony had plenty to look at and think about and, of course, reenact because that was part of the fun of these things, before her next business trip took her to Hong Kong and she gave him a stern poke in the ribs.

"Rogers," she muttered, a look on her face that made Tony simultaneously hungry and honry and terrified and a little incontinent, and he vowed to give his lady what she wanted.

* * *

Of course, he was still Tony Stark, and it turned out that America's First Superhero wasn't exactly enticed by America's Richest Superhero sidling up to him in the media room, hitting mute on the episode of Full House where Joey says "Cut. It. Ouuuut." and, using all the charm that comes in the form of being a billionaire playboy etc etc, winking at Steve Rogers and saying, "So, wanna screw?"

Rogers, to his credit, didn't sock Tony in the jaw. He just stood and walked out of the room, leaving Tony alone with Uncle Jesse and a half-eaten bag of popcorn.

Tony scowled. This was going to be hard, then.

* * *

_6\. When in doubt, buy them presents._

Tony had a list he made in college, when he was 14 and just getting used to pubic hair and the people around him were 18 and just getting used to tequila, of ways to convince girls and boys and non-binaries and really anyone that he wanted to fuck that also wanted to fuck him to join him in bed.

He'd whittled it down over the years, taking off things like "Show them your dick!" and adding things like "Ask if they want to choke you" since it turned out that "Choking Tony Stark" had reached #2 on an informal poll of things Tony's friends wanted to do (right after "Go back in time and cold-cock Oliver Cromwell" but that was mostly Rhody being Rhody, and he had skewed the results because he had no respect for science.)

But Steve didn't seem like the kind of guy who was into the sexy kind of choking, or even the not-so-sexy kind, seeing as his primary weapons were a shield and skin-tight blue fabric. So Tony decided that he was going to go with the other idea he had that sometimes worked, and he hit eBay, hard and fast.

Gift number one was an anonymously delivered, mint-condition set of 1942 baseballs cards, representing the starting lineup of the Brooklyn Dodgers. He had thought about buying the Dodgers back from LA, but then he considered the cost of buying land in New York and building a stadium and _staffing_ a stadium and it all just seemed like a lot of work to get into Steve's spangly pants, so he stuck with the cards.

Steve didn't seem to appreciate them. He blushed and stammered and demanded to know who got them, which made Tony blush and stammer and Natasha got annoyed and said she was TRYING to watch _Ice Road Truckers_ , and could they please keep it down, and then Clint argued that _Say Yes To The Dress_ was on, and before they knew it, Natasha was sitting on a bleeding version of Clint and Tony was laughing too hard at their antics to remember to be embarassed by Steve's reaction.

Still, Steve cornered him later, in the lab, to ask what Tony Was Thinking, which was a dangerous question because Tony was always thinking, and usually it wasn't anything that anyone needed to hear about, or that Steve would understand because the behavior of protons in semi-excited states when stimulated with free neutrons and the impact on paladium in the arc reactor - regardless, it was a dangerous question, so Tony said "Stuff, why?" and Steve got all flustered.

"Did you buy me those cards?" he asked.

"Me?" Tony was trying to play innocent and coy, but mostly he was sure he was coming off as Tony and Tony, which was a very special emanation that Pepper assured him was both charming and confusing and a little overwhelming. 

"It's - that must have cost a lot, is all," Steve said, doing some kind of "aw-shucks" move where he rubbed the back of his head and looked at his feet and Tony really wanted to kiss that stupid look right off his stupid face.

"You're living rent-free in a skyscraper in Manhattan and you're worried about baseball cards?"

But of course that wasn't a good enough answer for Captain Moral, and he reacted by turning all kinds of purple. "Why did you give them to me?"

"I like you."

"No you don't."

Tony raised an eyebrow and turned back to the experiment he was neglecting to talk to someone who apparently thought they knew his mind better than he did. "Well, since you know what I like and what I want, I guess you can just build yourself your own utility belt," Tony huffed, and somewhere in the back of his head, Pepper and Rhody and every teacher he'd had in school let out a chorus of _petulance is unattractive, Anthony_ but he reminded them firmly that this was his head and his life and they could kindly shut the crap up.

In the world where people talked that weren't in his brain, Steve was asking why Tony was building him a utility belt, and if it was going to include a batarang.

"You know about batarangs?"

Steve rolled his eyes. "Detective Comics #31, September 1939. You forget that I was a 98-pound art student. I loved Batman and I loved comics and I really don't get you, Stark."

Tony shrugged. "Nothing to get. I make things, I fight things, I like cheeseburgers and I think I kinda want a klondike bar. Oh, and we should have sex."

Steve choked on air. "You keep saying that, and yes, I get it, you're sexually liberated, congratulations. But we're both men and you're in a relationship."

"Oh," Tony laughed. "This is about Pepper? Cause us sleeping together was her idea. Are you okay if I tape it, by the way? She likes a visual."

Steve didn't move, and Tony spent three seconds trying to remember what the symptoms of a stroke were before he realized that Steve was biologically only 24 years old and not likely to be having one of those, but perhaps an aneurysm or an aortic dissection and he should maybe call Bruce, he had a medical degree, but Tony had taken a fair few classes in biology when he was bored with mechanical engineering and physics and he did have like, seven PhDs in various fields so he was, if nothing else, a super Doctor, just maybe not the kind you wanted diagnosing you--

"Okay," Steve held up a hand. "One bit at a time. You and Pepper? In five words or less."

Tony thought for a moment. "Open relationship, not jealous types."

Steve gave him a look. "Okay, I can get that. Why me? Again, five words."

Tony grinned. "Ass, butt, glutes, hindquarters," he took a breath. "Derriere."

"Okay, I- Here's- We're both _guys_."

"You keep saying that like it means something. You know, not all guys have penii."

Steve, bless his heart, took that in stride. "Do you have a penis, Tony?"

"Yes."

"Then let's stick to the relevant factors, okay?"

Tony shrugged. "What's the big deal? It's a sin? Socially unacceptable? You don't know about AIDS, so that's not it, and I don't have any, what did you call them, social diseases?"

"It's just-" Steve sighed. "It's not that it's _wrong_ or anything, it's just not _right_."

"Those two are kinda opposite ends of the spectrum. Kinda gotta be one or the other."

Steve leaned back against a table, and Tony did his best to not move him, because that table totally had a new fabric on it fresh from the polymer science guys that he was going to use to make pants for Bruce that wouldn't necessitate as much naked time as they'd become accustomed to and Steve should really not touch it when it was in that state, it could be unstable.

"Look," Tony sighed. "I'm not going to coerce you into sex. You tell me you're not into guys, I'll leave you be and see if I can, I don't know, convince Clint that he can sleep with someone who isn't Natasha, since she doesn't seem too interested in sleeping with him anyway but it seems to me that your only argument is that dude stuff wasn't cool in 1941, and now that you're in 2012, you're gonna go ahead and stick with that. About right?"

Steve shrugged and wouldn't meet Tony's eyes.

"See, my mom did a few things right, despite how I turned out - for that we can blame good ol' Howie - he could only get one of us to turn out upstanding and all, and he wasted that on you, Cap, but my mom, she said that I had to try things. Like acting in a play or Peking Duck Pizza or that time in 1983 when a rat tail seemed a good idea - don't worry, it was a hairstyle - but I figure, so few people are 100% straight, you might as well let me rub my dick on yours for a few minutes, see if you don't hate it."

"I--" Steve took a shuddering breath, and Tony wondered if maybe he wasn't a little turned on, but kissing him seemed to be a bad idea - the guy was skittish enough, too much in the wrong direction could be the end of things before they started. "Can I think about it?"

"Of course!" Tony laughed. "Open invitation. You decide tomorrow or in a week or a year or ten that you wanna try it, let me know. If I'm free and not inventing cold fusion or some other miracle, I'll see if I can't give you a tug."

Steve didn't run from the room, but Tony couldn't quite pretend it wasn't a retreat.

* * *

Present number two was a gift card, and Happy.

Not that Happy was a thing to be given, per se, but Tony had no problem lending out his services when the occasion allowed, and so on a clear Wednesday when the world was not in any imminent danger, he gave Happy his Stark Card (and yes, Tony had MasterCard make him his own credit card because fuck you, that's why) and told him to buy Steve some outfits that looked like maybe they were made in the last decade.

He entrusted the money part to Happy because Steve was still having little seizures over the cost of milk and thought he might actually just keel over and die at the idea of buying a $200 tie. So Happy was told to play personal shopper, to dress Steve, and bring him back.

It turned out that Steve loved shopping. Not just liked it, the way Clint and Thor did; those two would go to the mall like teenagers and get lost and then four hours later show up with a bunch of bags from Spencers Gifts and give them all sperm-shaped salt and pepper shakers. No, Steve loved shopping because he had never _done_ it in his childhood. It turned out that, in the Depression, most people had made their own clothing, which explained why Steve owned something called a darning ball and seemed to think that Alicia Silverstone was a terrible human being for her awesome closet in _Clueless_.

Regardless, they came back with suits and shirts and some jeans that were positively sinful and made Tony have all kinds of thoughts that revolved around Steve and rutting against soft denim, and Steve thanked Tony, didn't act like it was a big deal for a _friend_ to do something like that for another friend.

All in all, it was more successful than the baseball cards, if only because they didn't have to have an intense, sexually-fraught conversation after.

* * *

The final straw came when Bruce realized that Frozen Yogurt wasn't introduced in the US until 1970, told Tony and they realized that Steve had never been to get fro-yo and they could probably con him into believing lychee was alien eyeballs.

The whole team went to the grand opening of the Park Slope Pinkberry, where they'd actually been invited. They were invited to the opening of envelopes, what with being the city's resident superheroes, except this time they accepted, when they usually told people they were too busy saving the world.

As far as Tony, Bruce and Clint could tell, introducing Natasha, Thor and Steve to FroYo was equivalent with saving the world, and if they could do it for free, well, why the hell not?

And when Steve took his first bite of peanut butter FroYo with captain crunch and mochi and chocolate chips, Steve closed his eyes in pleasure, and let out a moan that went straight to Tony's groin.

Tony knew, for serious sure, that FroYo was the key; it was the thing that hadn't even occurred to 1940s Steve that was so good that he would have to try other things, like sex with Tony, to make sure he wasn't missing out.

And when they got back to the tower with a few gallons of take-home for Thor, because Frozen Yogurt was truly a warrior's food and Lady Sif needed to be appraised of Watermelon Puree, Tony was less than surprised to find that Steve followed him to his lab and started timidly invading his personal space.

"Change your mind, Cap?" Tony asked as Steve leaned up against the table he was working on.

"I never made up my mind before now so, no, I don't think that counts as changing it."

Tony put down his laser spanner and took stock of the _very_ fine body in front of him. "Am I allowed to record?"

"If I say no?"

Tony shrugged. "Pep'll get over it, but you should know that she'll hear details. That's our deal."

Steve thought for a moment. "I think I can live with that," he said, reaching out to put a hand on Tony's hip. 

Tony leaned into the touch, and took a step into Steve's space. "What do you know about sex, Cap?" he asked, and grinned to himself as he watched Steve's eyes dilate, dying to reach out and feel his dick, to see what effect the serum might have had.

"Not a virgin," Steve said. "I was on the road with a lot of horney dancers. But I'm not sure how I feel about- you know-" He stuttered, groping for the word.   
"Butt stuff?" Tony supplied, and Steve nodded. "Don't worry, if you can't say it," Tony laughed, "we're not going to do it. You want to stop, we stop. No strings, no muss. The point is to feel good, and have a great story for my girlfriend."

Steve nodded curtly. "Okay."

Tony took another step in and reached up to put a hand on the back of Steve's neck, before leveraging his head down into a kiss that was sweet and hot and just a little dirty on Tony's end. "Bedroom," he growled, when they surfaced, "we're gonna need some lube."

Steve looked a little nervous, but he followed Tony out of the lab willingly, a smile on his face.

* * *

Tony loved the way Steve looked stretched out on his bed naked. He was shaped like a martini glass, Tony thought, broad shoulders, the better for holding the weight of the world, and a body that narrowed down to skinny hips and thighs corded with miles of muscle. Tony ached to taste all of the skin, to lick and suck and have and taste and claim.

"You okay?" Tony asked, kicking out of his pants, resting a hand on Steve's ankle. "Still wanna do this? You can say no, I won't mind, you've got the right-"

"Tony," Steve interrupted, and reached out for him. "Yes, I'm fine. Do you ever shut up?"

"You wanna put something in my mouth?"

Steve laughed, which was Tony's favorite thing for his partners to do during sex, to have that expression of joy, and he crawled up Steve's broad body until he was able to kiss him square on the mouth.

They kissed for a long time, hands exploring each others bodies; Steve's was smooth, nary a hair in sight, muscles bulging like a bodybuilder, and Tony was slighter, older and more weathered, with a thick patch of black hair spanning his chest and creeping down to his groin.

"Do you wax?" Tony asked, tweaking a nipple, and Steve hissed and shook his head.

"Serum," he muttered. "But I wasn't all that hairy before."

"I like it," Tony said, kissing down Steve's neck to lick at his nipple. "You okay if I suck your dick?"

Steve nodded, but as Tony kissed down his stomach, lavishing attention on each individual abdominal muscle, Steve tensed up. "Wait," he breathed, and Tony pulled back. "If you- I mean, I don't think I'm okay, uh, _going down_ on you."

Tony smiled. "This is your first time with a guy," he said. "Let me make you feel good, okay? We'll see about reciprocation if we do this again. Really," he leaned in to nip at Steve's thigh, "no pressure."

Steve willed himself to relax, tried to stop his hands from flexing and relaxing as Tony teased him, paying excruciating attention to every area of Steve's body except his dick.

"Please-" Steve gritted out, when he couldn't take any more, and Tony grinned up at him, his eyes hooded and wicked. 

There was no warning, no further preamble - Tony leaned in and licked a hot stripe up the bottom of Steve's cock, along the vein before pausing and grinning up at Steve, who nodded.

Tony leaned in and ran his tongue around the head of Steve's cock under the foreskin, and watched with joy as he hardened more, before he left himself get to the actual _job_ part of the blow job.

Tony loved sucking dick, he really did, there was something so powerful about the way he could make other men beg, cry out, _need_ him with just his mouth and tongue and a clever twist of his wrist.

Steve was more fun than most men Tony had fucked, more fun that Rhody, even, the way he gasped and moaned, the way Tony could feel Steve holding back, knowing that he had the power to take, but he trusted Tony to give. Steve didn't even thread his hand through Tony's hair, didn't seem to want to risk touching him, which Tony understood - super strength and all - but still, it would have been nice to have a little bit of hair pulling, a little bit of Steve directing him as Tony did this, bestowed pleasure like the benevolent god he was.

"I'm-- Tony-- I--" Steve stuttered, after far too short a time, and Tony pulled his mouth off of Steve's cock with an obscene pop. 

"Wanna come in my mouth, _Cap_?"

Steve groaned and stuttered again. "I-- I--"

Tony laughed. "You need me to choose? Okay." He slid up Steve's body, grabbing the bottle of lube he had tossed on the bed with them and pouring a generous amount into the palm of his hand.

"This is called _frottage_ ," Tony purred in Steve's ear as he lined their groins up, clutching their dicks together and twisting his wrist just a little. "And it feels damn good."

Steve wasn't much of a talker in bed, it turned out, but he wasn't exactly _passive_ \- he was gentle in a way that Tony wasn't used to - he was into light touches, trailing fingers up Tony's side and sweet kisses as he arched and thrust and Tony whispered filth in his ear about _so good, so sweet, big strong hero at my mercy, just wanna fuck, love your cock, feel so good, Cap, yeah, you could break me in half, you know that, just take what you want, and god, Steve, I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna, just, all over your chest, gonna lick it up when I do, feed it to you on my fingers, yeah, you like that, god, Cap, Steve, yeah._

Steve came first, a low moan in his chest that set Tony off, his head thrown back and his eyes screwed shut.

They lay together after, sticky and exhausted and happy.

"Washcloth," Tony muttered, rolling over to get out of bed, to clean them up, and Steve's arms twitched like he wanted to pull Tony back, pull him down and hold him. Tony laughed through his haze.

"Trust me, Cap, you want a washcloth. You'll be glad for it in a few minutes."

Steve smiled lazily up at Tony, his eyes blue like the sky, and Tony hurried to the bathroom to rinse himself off, and back to gently wipe Steve's chest clean, glad for the lack of hair to get tangled and matted with this kind of activity.

He tossed the cloth on the ground when he was done, curling into the warmth of Steve's body, letting Steve's arms fold him into an embrace.

"You have fun?" Tony asked.

Steve laughed low and bent to press a kiss to Tony's lips, chaste and sweet, like Steve pretended to be in public. "Yes," he whispered, touching their foreheads, and he drifted to sleep with a smile on his lips.


End file.
